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The other day we were at McDonald's. Two women and their respective kids were at the next table.
I'm not sure what was going on, but at point one of the women said to her little girl, "Yes, you asked to eat it and he said yes and gave it to you, now either chew it right now or spit it out, or else you get a spanking!"
The poor girl (who looked to be about two and a half) looked very distraught.
I couldn't tell what the actual problem was supposed to be ... it looked like maybe she had a piece of a tomato from her brother's salad, and I guess the girl asked for it but then didn't like it ...? I have no idea. From all outside appearances the girl wasn't doing a thing wrong or weird or rude or even noticeable.
Anyway, the woman said this at least three times. The third time, she said, "Either chew it right now or spit it out, or else you will get a spanking and have to sit in the high chair for the rest of the time here!"
I guess the girl finally complied, because there was no spanking and no high chair.
Whenever I see something like that, I literally get a stomach ache.
Later the two women came left the PlayPlace for a moment and then came back in, each with a chocolate-covered ice cream cone. A few minutes later their kids came over to the table. One of the women said to the boy, "No, we're not getting you ice cream here, but you can have mine when I'm done with it, if you eat your apples."
Then I didn't even hear the kid say anything, but the other woman snapped at him, "Hey! Any of that, and you get nothing!"
Then a few minutes later both women handed their mostly-eaten ice cream cones to the two kids, who, admittedly, seemed to enjoy eating them.
Yeah, I know most of you reading are thinking, "So what? Is that the end of the world? They got to eat ice cream!" but it just seemed so Yucky:
Here, yum, let me and my friend eat these treats right in front of you, but you don't get one, but if you do what I say, you can eat my slurped-over leftovers and feel grateful for them.
It occured to me that maybe I should give these women the benefit of a doubt. Maybe they were having a rough day, or maybe they're still struggling with the best way to handle certain situations.
Possibly. But that didn't appear to be the case. It looked more like it was their usual MO to bully their kids around and think nothing of it.
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7 comments:
I think what you observed is their normal actions especially if the kids complied. I would NEVER say eat it or get a spanking but those kids knew they didn't want one. Fear based parenting is so prevalent and it really sucks!I feel bad for the kids and I feel bad that the parents don't have any other tools but fear and punsihment. How do we offer alternatives to starngers? I haven't figured out how to say anything to my neighbors yet. sheesh
sorry about the typos, LOL!
Yeah Stephanie, I don't know what, if anything to say in these cases either. I thought about talking about that in the original post, but didn't because I didn't have anything intelligent to say, ha! :)
Hey Jen~
I think we've all been "mean parents" from time to time. Some people are just better than others at keeping up appearances in public, I suppose.
I don't think saying anything to strangers you observe parenting differently than you is necessary, personally. And I wouldn't dare unless the child was in imminent physical danger. I know I wouldn't take advice from a stranger. I usually just say a prayer for them and remember we don't know what their story is.
It doesn't matter what their story is, I don't care if you just had the worst day of your life. Hitting a child is wrong 100% of the time. Threatening a 3 yr old with a spanking is classic me BIG you LITTLE, do what I say or I'll make your life miserable.
Sure we all have shortcomings, I've been pretty cranky today but I do not threaten to hit EVER!
If I told my daughter to eat her apples before she could have an ice cream like me, she would very likely say, "You didn't eat any apples." (I think they only come in kid's meals, right?) And unlike the moms you described, I would very likely say, "You're right. Here's money to run up and get yourself an ice cream." :)
I'm still working to overcome eating issues due to the kind of logic those two moms displayed. Now at least I know better than to order myself an ice cream, because my kids usually have leftovers for me to eat. ;)
YUCK. Of course we all have bad days and say things we regret. But COME ON. The ice cream cone thing was planned meanness. And it's based on the belief that children are inherently evil and don't deserve to be treated with kindness until they've earned it.
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