My [rather cynical] review of the Hannah Montana movie

Several years ago, I remember telling somebody that I enjoyed watching Barney with my kids, simply because -- to paraphrase The Grateful Dead -- "A friend of Rebecca's is a friend of mine."

It was in this same spirit that I went to go see the Hannah Montana movie with my two daughters and niece earlier this week. Rachael dressed up in her HM costume, complete with wig. I gobbled up plenty of popcorn and numbed myself to the fact that a tub of popcorn and two drinks cost $14. It was fun. I enjoyed it. Really.

However, I am only human, and I do still have a few working brain cells, so here are the many thoughts that were actually going through my mind during the movie:

* It is impossible for me to get past the fact that nobody realizes that Miley is Hannah. Maybe I could buy it if Hannah had a different accent, or wore some sort of distinct makeup, like a female sort of KISS member. Maybe glasses could even go it -- after all, it worked for Clark Kent. But Hannah sounds exactly the same as Miley, and other than snazzy clothes and a blond wig, she looks exactly the same as Miley. At the very least, you'd think people would constantly say to her, "Wow, you know, you remind me a lot of Hannah Montana."

* In one scene, Miley gets on stage in front of a bunch of Hannah Montana fans and leads everybody in a song. Amazing how nobody notices that she sings exactly like their favorite star, Hannah Montana.

* Does Miley Cyrus write her own songs? I'm just asking. Actually, I wouldn't expect her to. After all, Ricky Martin didn't write "Livin La Vida Loca." Heck, someone else wrote songs for Elvis. But then why did people give The Monkees such a hard time for not writing most of their songs?

* Emily Osmont (who plays Lilly) is just gorgeous. Of course, I am probably partial to her, since I liked her big brother, Hayley Joel, so much.

* I agree with a movie review I had read earlier, which basically said, "The biggest mistake the movie makes is having Taylor Swift sing a song. The comparison in their singing ability is not flattering to the movie's star." Yes, that's correct. It was striking.

* Doesn't anybody wonder where Hannah Montana is when she's not onstage? If she is, in fact, the most popular teen in the whole world, how come Tiger Beat magazine has no spreads about her family, her friends, her hobbies? Don't her fans ever google her name, trying to find out how she became a star, where she grew up, how she got her start?

* I recently saw an interview with Rita Moreno who said The Electric Company cast would be on the set for about ten hours a day. After that, at least one of them would have to stop at the recording studio on the way home, then have to go home and practice lip-synching to the song they had just recorded. Performers are hard workers. So the idea that anyone -- hidden identity or not -- can hang around school and their friends all day, and then just show up for their Superstar performance, really rubs me the wrong way.

Ah ... thank you. I feel better now.